The Road to Where Now?
by EE's Skysong
Summary: Parody of The Road to El Dorado! Remy and Forge are two schemers searching for the city of gold. Instead, they find a horse, a hot chick, and a psychopathic, misspelled villain... and end up impersonating gods. Smooth.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: "You mean we have to fight all of the people we defeated before? This is the worst recurring nightmare I've ever been awake for!"

(An: I know, it took me AGES to get this out… So this is a parody of The Road to El Dorado. Oh, by the way, since I got suspended for "script format", my comments will now be in **bold**. Like that, comprends? Singing is also still in bold.)

Miguel: Remy

Tulio: Forge

Chel: Ororo

Altivo (yes, he has a part; he's a weird horse): John

Tzekel Khan: Pietro

Chief Tannabok: Fred

Cortes (ooh, it irks me to spell it like that): Sabertooth

Random Singer Dude (RSD): Piotr

ALL THAT BUSY STUFF THAT GOES ON BEFORE THE MOVIE...

"And the absolute power is back where it belongs!" Kurt cries.

"_I'm_ the default director, you know," Ororo says, sulking. (1)

"You're just pissed because you have to wear the little Chel costume," Remy points out.

"And..."

"So don't take it out on me!" Kurt cries.

"I'm allowed to be pissed at you," Ororo growls. "I was going to be paired with you." (2)

There is a pause as everyone shudders at the movie reference/general squickiness.

"Now, let's see," Kurt mumbles, flipping through his clipboard. "Ah! Yes! We need to turn John into a horse!"

"Oh, shiznit," John mumbles, as Forge closes in on him with the purple octagonal thing.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

A vaguely orange horse is standing there.

"It must be on the fritz," Forge mutters, giving the octagonal thing a good smack. "First 'Ro and now him." (3)

John poses. "So, Remy, how do I look?"

"Like an idiot," Remy replies. "Nothin' new there."

Wanda chuckles and John looks crestfallen and stuff like that.

"Hmm," Kurt murmurs. "Well, Forge and Remy already have Mad Sword Skillz, so I think we can start." (4)

"Aw, _man_," Forge mutters.

**I don't like repeating jokes, ok?**

So our movie begins with some vaguely Spanish-ish songs, I guess.

Everything looks like a cardboard cutout bit as a title fades up: The Road to Where Now?

"Okeedoke, Piotr, you're on!" Kurt says.

Piotr sighs.

**Watch it, metalhead. I could have made you an animated Elton John.**

Piotr squeaks and starts to sing. "**Our glorious city**"

We see Dani and her grandfather on a horse... thing... it's got a horse head but like a lizard body, ok? Man, these Mayan people dudes could _not_ draw!

"**Was built by the divinities**

They wave their arms a lot and big flashy light effects gather around their hands.

**Did we have to scrimp on the advertising budget for the special effects?**

"…No," Forge says. "Jamie designed the title thingy."

**Ah. Carry on, then.**

"**By gods who saw fit**"

Dani and her grandfather make this giant rainbow thingy, which hits what I guess must be earth with a whole bunch of Aztec-y type patterns.

"**To bestow  
The gift of a paradise**"

A big forest grows and an armadillo chasing a butterfly (stylization and foreshadowing, all in one shot! Dreamworks gets props.) hops across the screen. 

"**Peaceful and harmonious upon**"

Then, of course, the armadillo hops into a bush with another armadillo and one verse of the song later, a whole bunch of baby armadillos jump out. Is that cute or perverted?

"**Us mere mortals below**"

Before fading up to the sun and Dani and her grandfather, we see a cute little jaguar washing itself. I notice things like this, ok? The "gods"-

"Why is that in quotation marks?" Dani demands. "That suggests you doubt it."

**Well, you're not really gods…**

"So? You don't have to rub it in."

**…Okay…**

Like I was saying, the gods- happy now?

Dani nods.

The gods look at each other and wink and grin and generally show pleasure with their work. Even if the armadillos are quite promiscuous. Now they rub their hands together and do that zappy thing again. Instead of a jungle, though, they turn the river to gold… which really isn't that smart, you know. All those armadillos and that jaguar aren't gonna survive long.

"This is a creation story. There is no logic," Forge says.

"YOU BLASPHEME!" Dani's-grandfather-whose-name-I-can't-remember-but-should-know yells, pointing at Forge.

"Somebody get the brick!"

"Dude, we got rid of the brick like a whole parody ago," Kurt points out. (5)

"…We did? We did! Damn! What do we have now?"

"Nothing that I know of…"

"Hmm… this needs remedying…"

"Can I go on with my singing first?" Piotr asks.

Forge makes a dismissive flicky-hand-gesture at him, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"**And made El Dorado  
The magnificent and golden  
One thousand years ago**"

The golden river kinda solidifies into a geometric pattern that sprouts into the three main temples of El Dorado… I don't know any better way to describe it; if you've never seen the movie, you're kind of screwed when it comes to this stuff.

"**El Dorado  
El Dorado  
El Dorado!**" Piotr looks around. "Am I finished?"

Forge does the flicky thing again, and Piotr… well, he doesn't quite run. It's a fast walk.

The scene fades from golden water to regular old water flowing from a fountain. "Spain: 1519", reads another one of those annoying cardboard thingies. A cup gets dipped into it, and we fade back to reveal Sabretooth… riding John. OHMIGOD THAT SOUNDED WRONG.

"You said it, not me," Kurt mutters.

"I must not kill him, I must not kill him," John can be heard muttering under his breath. "I must be a good horsey."

"That's not the way I looked at it," Ororo points out.

"Yeah, but you had a pervert skewer. That's an excuse to be bad." (6)

Ororo pats her forehead sadly.

"Today, we sail to conquer the New World! For Spain, for glory, for gold!" Sabes cries. "...Do I get to wear a monocle in this one?" (7)

**Just kill me now.**

"What? It's a legitimate question!"

"Can I throw him? Let me throw him!" John cries.

**...Don't tempt me.**

So the soldiers (who are all really the same two guys just colored differently) shoot at the sky (that's a health hazard, really) and somebody yells, "Viva Sabes!"

All this noise, of course, makes John freak out and rear and whinny... it still burns to type that phrase. (8)

"John! Eyes forward," Sabes snaps, tossing away his cup.

The cup, naturally, slams into a reward poster featuring Our Heroes, Remy and Forge. Fade away to reveal Our actual Heroes in the exact same positions as the poster.

"Seven!" Forge shouts.

"All right!" Remy agrees.

Some red dice roll out and land on five and two.

"Partner! Hee hee!" Forge yells, high-fiving Remy. "I can't honestly believe I'm this happy." He scoops up the dice and starts doing a little happy dance with Remy.

"**Tons of gold for you**" Remy sings, strumming a little mandolin... at least, that's what I think it is.

"Hey!" Juggernaut yells in the background. "You mean I actually get a real part?" His eyes have gone all sparkley and anime-y.

**Yeah, sure, whatever.**

"**Tons of gold for me**" Forge sings back, ignoring Juggernaut.

Who, again, yells, "Hey!"

"**Tons of gold for we!**" Our Heroes sing.

"Hey!" Juggernaut yells a third time. 

Now Remy and Forge actually look at him, not overthrilled.

"One more roll!"

Remy looks at Forge and shrugs. Forge, of course, is quite tickled by Juggernaut's suggestion. "Uh, guys, you're broke!" He rubs his fingers together, smirking. "You got nothing to bet with!"

"YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" Juggernaut yells. "I'M THE-"

Everyone boredly replies, "We know."

"But-"

"_We know_."

Juggernaut mutters under his breath but replies, "Oh, yeah? I got this!" He pulls a grubby piece of parchment out of his coat to reveal-

"A map?" Forge asked, still underthrilled.

Remy, however, is more impressed. And it's not even shiny. "A map!" he gasps.

"A map of the wonders of the New World!" Juggernaut agrees.

"Wow! Let's have a look!"

Forge rolls his eyes. "I'm beginning to think this is typecasting..."

Kurt inspects his fingernails. "Isn't it always?"

Remy makes Excited Muttering Noises (EMN; remember that now, since I'll probably end up using it again) as he goes over the map. He grabs it and then Forge, who starts to walk away. "Forge!" Remy yanks him back onscreen and face-first into the map.

"I'm not enjoying this," Forge mumbles, then straightens. The map still has a big, Forge-shaped indent in it, though. "Excuse me and the crazy person for one moment, please." He says it in a Big, Official-Sounding voice, no less.

"Forge, look! El Dorado, the city of gold!" Remy, of course, sounds rapturous when he says it. "I'm French, mind you. Speaking Spanish _burns_."

In the background, Roberto swears at him.

Dani glances at Rob. "You're Brazilian. You speak Portuguese." (9)

"They're basically the same language, but mine is more important." Rob preens.

"You need help," Dani mutters.

"This could be our destiny, our fate!" Remy cries.

Forge stares at him. "Remy, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice."

Remy pauses, then whines, sticking out his lower lip.

"Oh, not with the face!"

Remy wiggles his eyebrows.

"I'm not Rogue, that's not going to work with me."

"Eh, it never works with her, either..." He pause, then closes his eyes and makes them as big as possible. 

"No!"

He pants like a little puppy.

"These phrases are disturbing me!" John yells in the background.

"No! No!" Forge yells.

Juggernaut leans forward and yanks the map out of Remy's hands. "I said one more roll. My map against your cash."

Remy looks at Forge hopefully, and Forge, looking disgusted with himself, "All right, peewee- peewee?"

Kurt twitches. "Don't ask."

"I hate modern lingo," Forge mutters, straightening up. To Juggernaut, he adds, "You're on!" He shakes his dice, but Juggernaut throws up a hand. It's a pretty gay gesture, really.

"Not with those!" He holds out some regular old white dice. "This time, we use my dice."

"Eh..." says Forge, looking even _more_underthrilled.

"You got a problem with that?"

"Fuggettaboutit!" Kurt cries.

"We need to take away your Soprano DVDs," Kitty mutters, facepalming.

"You'll be sleeping with the fishes!" Kurt yells.

Kitty sighs, shaking her head. "Jeez, ever since we shaved him he's been even more nuts than usual." 

Forge, in a rather high-pitched voice, "No..." He grabs Juggernaut's dice and whirls around to face Remy, miming slitting his throat. "I'm going to kill you!"

Remy looks around, as though searching for another Cajun who likes doing puppy-demon eyes behind him, then mouths, "Me?"

Forge glares at him and turns back to Juggernaut, who drops the map on top of the gold.

Forge rubs his hands together. "Come on, baby, Papa needs that crappy map."

In the background, Remy strums his mandolin maniacally, with a very Igor-esque expression. He then slides over by Kitty and smirks at her.

Forge offers his dice to Wanda, who makes an "as if" look and scoffs at hi. "You're currently going out with a horse, kid. You need to keep your options open." Wanda just rolls her eyes and walks off. Forge blows on his dice.

**For those of you who are rather... unversed in gambling, blowing on your dice is good luck.**

"And having someone hot do it is better luck!" Remy agrees in the background.

He's still strumming his mandolin, though, making Forge yell, "Stop that!"

Remy winces and shuts up.

"Show me seven!" Forge cries, throwing the dice.

One comes up three and the other spins on a corner, finally coming up four.

Forge has covered his eyes, and when the crowd cheers, he peeks out from his hands. "Seven!" he cries.

"All right!" Remy yells.

"Seven!" 

Juggernaut makes a hopeless noise as Remy struts back to Forge with the map... rather like a proud puppy, really. "You're going to compare me to a dog for the rest of this, aren't you,."

**Of course.**

"Hahahah! There it is!" Forge cries, scooping up the gold. "Well, nice doing business with you."

The red dice he was originally using roll out of his shirt (like you weren't expecting this), coming up five and two. Juggernaut pounds the ground, and every time the dice twitch a little but stay on five and seven. "I knew it!"

The crowd gasps as Forge scoops up his dice, and Remy starts playing the mandolin now... sinisterly like.

"Your dice are loaded!" Juggernaut yells, stating the obvious.

**That's his superpower, really.**

"No respect, no respect."

**Not after X3 and getting your butt kicked by Kitty.**

"Hey!" Kitty yells in the background.

"You gotta admit, Kitty, it's a pretty rare thing," Kurt points out.

"Because the writers suck," Kitty replies, crossing her arms and sulking.

Remy continues playing the mandolin until Forge, looking quite P.O.'ed, grabs the neck... the _mandolin's_ neck, Forge!

Forge grins sheepishly and lets go of Remy.

"For a genius," Kurt says-

"I know, I know, I'm pretty thick."

"I was gonna say violent, but that works too."

**Eh, we'll leave it there for now. I need to go do my 'unsuspended' dance.**

The rest of the cast looks at each other and shudders.

**I saw that!**

(And there we go, first chapter done.)

(1) She is. She was the director for my first two parodies, but then I started doing a plethora of Storges.

(2) In the original casting, it was going to be a Kuroro, but I decided to make it a Storge 'cause Kurt's just too much of a nice guy. And anyway, movie references make me ill. Unless it involves Kitty.

(3) In "Mideval Mutants", Ororo was a unicorn... a black unicorn, naturally.

(4) I have no idea if Forge has Mad Sword Skillz, but Remy does, so that's good enough for me.

(5) The brick/sedative is a running joke that, thankfully, kind of faded out somewhere in "Mideval Mutants".

(6) Ororo's horn wasn't a horn. It was a pervert skewer.

(7) In QFS, Sabes played a griffin with a monocle that appeared out of nowhere. Come on, it's been yanked by the Powers That Be. I needed at least one reference.

(8) In The Last Unicorn, there is a rear and whinny at least once a scene.

(9) He does. And I know this, really. I've just never gotten to show off this knowledge.


	2. HAHAH! I Mean, Poor Remy

Disclaimer: "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

(An: Here is the second chapter. Hurrah.)

"For those of you who are thinking 'plot hole' at the moment, no, I didn't forget about the brick replacement," Forge says. "I was silenced because I found it." He holds up the mandolin, smiling in a very creepy manner.

"Are we doomed or just incredulous?" Kurt whispers to Kitty.

"Second option."

"Thought so." Kurt stares at Forge for a moment, then bursts out laughing.

"You want proof?" Forge asks, and, with an expression that says he's been longing to do this all day, smacks Remy over the head with his... blunt instrument.

**Oh, you know I had to say it.**

"Hey! We need him!" Kurt yells.

Forge frowns at the rather mangled mandolin, then at Remy's prone form. "Aw, man."

"How're we supposed to wake him up?" John asks, nudging him with a foot.

"Um..." Kitty mumbles.

"Try hitting him again," Kurt suggests.

"Oh, God," Forge mutters, facepalming. "We're screwed."

"And whose fault is that?" Kitty snaps, trying to drag Remy upright.

"Come on, you could kick my ass in X3, surely you can handle an idiot like him," Juggernaut points out.

Kitty hisses at him.

**And at last we dissolve into drivel...**

"We're only one chapter in! It's too soon!" Kurt cries.

"Don't be such a girl," Kitty gasps, dragging Remy offscreen. "Get over here and help me."

"With what?"

"Dead Remy!" Kitty yells.

"He's not dead."

"Yeah, I only hit him with an archaic wooden instrument," Forge agrees. Kitty glares at him.

"Actually, I was gonna say he's a Marvel character, but that is true," Kurt admits.

"We need to work on our communication, man."

Kurt nods sadly. "Maybe 'Ro could zap him with a lightning bolt or something..."

Kitty pauses. "Or we could just dump a bucket of _water_ on him?" she suggests, looking at Kurt like he's nuts... which is a pretty good viewpoint.

"That works too," Kurt nods.

Kitty mutters something under her breath, dropping Remy. "Anyone have a bucket?"

Blank stares.

"If you wanna get a thing done right..." Kitty growls.

"You have to get chickens to do it?" Warren asks.

"What _is_ it with you and chickens?" Kurt demands. (1)

"They're good barbecued."

Kitty, in the background, gags.

**I concur.**

"You know," Wanda says, "we could always just use Rogue's Remy puppet."

Kurt starts, staring at Wanda. "Rogue has a Remy puppet?"

"Ok, so it's more like a dammit doll, but same difference," Wanda replies, hodling up a very battered hand puppet. (2)

"Why don't we just wake the real one up?" Kitty says, holding up a bucket triumphantly.

"It's empty, though," Forge points out.

Kitty gestures, and Ororo walks over, making a little stormcloud over the bucket, which quickly fills with water. "My _God_, I don't know why you get made the director." Without further ado, she dumps the bucket over Remy's head.

"Deja vu," John mutters. (3)

"Spleh?" Remy mumbles, slowly opening his eyes. He rubs his head, sitting up. "I feel like I just got smacked with an archaic wooden instrument..."

"Heheh, funny thing..." Forge mutters.

Kurt slaps a hand over his mouth. "Never admit you did it," he hisses.

"Oh. Right."

"Ok, so where were we?" Kurt asks, sitting in his chair.

"What?" Forge gasps to Remy. He backs away in mock-shock, pointing at Remy. "You gave me _loaded_ dice?" He walks away. Of course, he's still looking at Remy in horror, so he walks into a guard's nice, shiny armor with a clunk. Forge regains his cool in an instant, gasping, "He gave me _loaded_ dice! Guard, arrest him!"

Remy gasps. "You dare to impugn- _impugn_?"

**You got picked to be the verbose character. If you think impugn is weird, wait until you see your later lines.**

Remy shakes his head. "My honor? He was the one who was cheating!" Remy shoves Forge. "Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money!"

"Oh, now I'm the thief?" Forge cries.

"No, I highly doubt you could steal your way out of a paper bag."

Forge pauses with a "WTF" look.

"...Ok, in retrospect, not exactly a choice analogy."

"Line!" Kurt yells.

"Yes!"

Forge flips Remy around so he can see his reflection in the shiny guard. "Take a look in the mirror, pal!"

Remy smirks at his reflection.

In the background, Rogue reaches over and steals her Remy puppet from Wanda. She promptly punches it in the face.

"Dwah!" Remy yells, falling over. "That's twice... is it Beat Up on Remy Day?"

"Well, I think there was a Beat Up on Forge Day last parody, so probably," Forge replies.

"Oh, you better give them their money back or I'll..." Remy pauses, then rips the sword from the guard's belt. "_En garde_! Now, you see, this is more my style."

"_En garde_ yourself! I will give the honor of a quick and painless death!" Forge reaches behind him, grabbing the sword of a Conviently Placed Guard (CPG). It, of course, is very tiny.

**Must... restrain... cheap shot urge...**

"Not cool!" Forge yells.

"But true," Kurt replies.

"...How do you know?" Remy asks.

Kurt whistles, suddenly fascinated by the ceiling.

"It's not true!" Forge cries. "But not with that!" He replaces the dagger and pulls out a full-sized sword. "Ha! I prefer to fight fairly! Aha!"

The two face each other, glaring.

"Well, any last words?" Forge asks.

"I will cut you to ribbons, fool!" Remy replies.

"Such mediocrity! Let your sword do the talking! ...Yeah, 'cause I can't understand a word you say!"

Remy rolls his eys. "I will! It will be loquacious- the _hell_?"

**Told you so.**

"What's loquacious?"

"Talkative," Kitty replies, and everyone stares at her. "We've been over this, people. GENIUS IQ."

"Loquacious to a fault! ...Ok, that didn't make any sense, but whatever."

So your average sword fight ensues...

"Ha, take that!"

Remy jumps on a table and Forge swipes at him, crying, "You mincing, fencing twit!"

"Ah, you fight like my sister!" Remy cries, hopping atop some boxes and climbing onto a roof.

"I fought your sister! That's a compliment!" 

"Braggart!"

"Heathen!"

Forge slips on a loose tile and falls over, barely defending himself from Remy. "Not the face, not the face!"

Remy does a thing and Forge's sword goes flying. He catches it, smirking.

"I could do that," Kurt mutters. (4)

Kitty pats his hand. "Of course."

"I get the idea that you don't believe me..." Kurt mutters, crossing his arms.

Kitty feigns innocence. "Why, whyever would you think that?"

**...He really**is** an idiot!**

Forge gets up. "Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw!"

Remy throws the swords and they land in the dirt in front of the guard. "Thank you all for coming, you've been great, see you soon!"

"_Adios_!" Forge cries, and the two of them jump over the wall.

Remy and Forge smirk at each other, generally going on about how great they are.

"What, and we don't actually get to _say_ how great we are?" Remy demands.

**How about **no?

They are interrupted by the snort of an angry... giant armadillo?

"So I couldn't find an actual bull, so sue me!" Kurt replies. "I mean, we already needed him for the rest of the movie, and it was easy to just make him bigger..."

**Surely you jest.**

"I'm perfectly serious, and don't call me Shirley!" (5)

**But it's a **bull** chase. We're in** Spain.

Kurt shrugs, grinning nervously.

Needless to say, Remy and Forge are not as freaked out as one would expect.

The armadillo snorts and paws at the ground.

"I'm _shaking_," Forge deadpans.

"We shoulda kept our swords, I think..." Remy mumbles. "But it's so _cute_!"

Forge glances at him, again with the "WTF?" look. "Yeah, I've got a plan."

"What is it?"

"Uh, well- uh, you pet him..."

"Yeah."

"And I'll _RUN_!"

Forge dashes off and Remy hurries to follow.

"Uh, well, thanks a lot!" Remy yells.

**Now, see, if we had a bull, this is where the bellowing and snorting would come in. But no. I don't even know what type of noises an armadillo makes so we get...**

The armadillo pursues them, making armadillo noises.

**_See?_**

Our Heroes scramble to run up a wall, but aren't quite fast enough. The armadillo slams into it, knocking it into one of the houses. They run off and skid around a corner to avoid running into an angry mob.

"I get the idea that this happens to you a lot!" Forge yells.

"You don't have to rub it in!"

The armadillo screeches to a halt in front of the mob, which pauses and then bursts out laughing.

"It's not funny, dammit!" Kurt yells.

Forge and Remy take the opportunity to get a head start, running down a narrow staircase.

A bunch of CPGs skid out of side alleys, blocking their way.

Forge and Remy, naturally, just detour around them through some conviently placed doors. In the one that Remy runs into, of course, we can hear Rogue screaming. "Bye! Thank you!"

Rogue runs out of her random Spanish villa and punches her Remy doll in the stomach.

Remy goes flying, thankfully in the opposite direction of the guys with the swords. "Three!"

"It really _is_ Beat Up on Remy Day!"

Then, of course, when Forge and Remy finally manage to get away, the armadillo catches up, ramming into the CPGs with a noise reminiscent of a speeding train.

"Ole!" Rob yells in the background.

**See, that would be** funny** if this were a bull chasing them.**

Remy and Forge jump across a whole bunch of conviently placed objects (there are a lot of these in Spain, apparently) and grab onto a clothesline, swinging across the street. The guards fire crossbows at them, but they, of course, have their aim set off by underwire.

"Those better not be mine," Rogue mutters in the background.

Remy makes no reply, but winks at the camera.

Our Heroes run across a rooftop until they come to the end, overlooking some barrels. Which conviently have their lids off. Hmm. "I'll bet we can make that," Remy cries.

Forge looks back, seeing that the guards are still following them. "Two pesetas says we can't!"

Forge and Remy jump over the side, Remy yelling, "You're on!"

"Um, mind you, we're not endorsing either gambling or being incredibly stupid with this parody," Kitty says.

So, of course, Our Heroes land safely in the barrels with a big splash.

"You lose!" Remy cries.

Forge tosses him the coins and they pull the barrel tops over their heads. Then, of course, a net slips around them and they get pulled onto a ship.

"Whoa! What's happening here?" Forge cries.

"We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge."

"Literally," Rogue says in the background.

"...I'd retort," Remy mutters, "but she'd probably hit my doll again."

Both barrels get rolled across the deck of a ship and finally settled upright, the convieniently placed corks next to each other. Forge and Remy push them out, gasping for air.

"Ok, Remy, we gotta move fast," Forge hisses. "On three, we jump out and head for the dock."

"Good. Good. Excellent."

"Ok," Forge says, and together, they say, "One, two, three!"

Of course, the moment they get to three, some random deckhands put a big trunk on top of the barrels.

"Three! ...Three! ...Three!"

"I'm beginning to sense a pattern," Kurt mutters.

"Ok, so it's Kurt Be Stupid/Beat Up on Remy Day," Kitty says.

"That's what it was! It was Forge Be Stupid Day!" Forge cries. "...Why am I happy about remembering this? That sucked."

So, in a quick transition from day to night, we zoom in on Our Heroes, still trapped in the barrels. "Uh, you ready?" Forge asks. "Ah, ok. One more. Let's go."

"One, two, three!"

Of course, the moment they start the countdown, two random deckhands come and move the trunk.

They pop out into the spotlight (somehow).

Both of Our Heroes freak, naturally. "Excuse us," Forge mumbles. "Who ordered the, uh, pickles?"

"We're outta here, yeah," Remy agrees.

**Indeedy do.**

"Could somebody please take that doll away from Rogue?" Remy asks. "I got bruises in places I didn't know could be bruised."

"Do you want to have children someday, swamp rat?" Rogue asks, holding up the doll, her fist near... erm, Remy Jr.

"Eep!" Remy cries, RLF out of the room.

"That's better."

"And it's Rogue, five, Remy, zero," Kurt announces.

"No, that's only three," Kitty replies, calculating on her fingers.

"Twice for the punches, once for Remy Jr., once for having a Remy doll at all, and once because it's Forge Be Stupid/Beat Up on Remy Day."

"Oh. That does make sense."

(I have a strong feeling that chapter sucked, but oh well.)

(1) "Every time a chicken clucks, an angel gets its wings" and Angel has been obsessed with them ever since.

(2) A Dammit Doll is a handy device that you beat up when you cannot beat up the person/object that is making you want to beat things.

(3) Someone got water dumped on them in "Mideval Mutants"... I think it was Ororo.

(4) Comic!Kurt has Mad Sword Skillz.

(5) If you don't know where this joke comes from... oh, you poor dear.


End file.
